I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize