Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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