i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
