It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
