he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
