Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
