I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
