Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
