Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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