if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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