Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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