i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
