I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
