if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ketchup is God's man juice
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize