the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
