Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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