Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I pour the whiskey from now on
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