Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
