TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
