That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My cat gives me a boner
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
