I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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