party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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