today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
