apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize