so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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