its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
