I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
