She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
