What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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