if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
