Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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