Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
