I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
