yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
