what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
