i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
