Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
