32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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