i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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