I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
