Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
