I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
