so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
