Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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