The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
