so that wasnt chicken after all
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
