He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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