I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
