did you get engaged???
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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