how can u be prego again
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
