im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
