he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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