Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
