I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
