thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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