There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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