i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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