And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
