i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
