Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize