I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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