I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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