Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
