im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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