at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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