Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Found your dick twin last night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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