Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You took a bar mat shot.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
