we have pet lesbian snakes
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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