so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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