I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
