I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
