I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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