u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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